London's burning

Whilst anarchy is literally spreading like wildfire across London - the Acting Commissioner waddles out of New Scotland Yard and addresses the media. In what could best be described as a finger in the dyke moment he appealed for parents to start ringing their children to ask where they were. Bless.

Assuming parents are a reality in the lives of some of these scum bags, the conversation must have been enlightening.

"Well father it's rather chaotic so I'll make it quick - I am currently inside the Croydon branch of J D Sports trying on a pair of wicked Adidas Originals in suede. You want anything while I'm here?