Eds' hooter

Despite the admittedly disturbing post operative result - Ed Milliband has successfully emerged from surgery to correct a variety of nasal conditions which, according to the Labour spin machine, combined to cause him many a restless night unable to sleep due to breathing difficulties and unrelenting snoring.

The spin doctors were quick to add that the surgical procedure was most definitely NOT a cynical attempt to cosmetically improve and enhance the sound of the Labour leaders speech for the benefit of the electorate. 

Mr Milliband will undergo rectal surgery in an attempt to correct that particular disorder at a later date.