Trivial Pursuits

You’ve got to hand it to them, credit where credit’s due, when FIFA, the worldwide governing body of football, decides to rid the game of one of it’s many ills, a problem so serious as to threaten the very existence of the worlds most popular sport, they quite rightly act swiftly, decisively and unanimously in the interests of the billions of fans around the globe.

Obscene wages, rampant racism, hooliganism, corruption inside FIFA, cheating players, goal line technology – the list is not exhaustive but just a few examples of issues you might have thought worthy of much attention at the FIFA International FA Board meeting in Cardiff yesterday. Fear not, goal line technology was on the agenda, obviously a five minute slot just before the lunch interval by the sound of it, as the easy option of more talks more tests ad nauseam was quickly agreed.   

No, the burning issue of the modern game causing sleepless nights for Sepp Blatter, some technical staff and people called secretary-generals, was finally eradicated in a landmark judgement. So outraged were they by the damage caused to the game, FIFA imposed a worldwide ban with immediate effect, wait for it . . . . . of the snood.

Joyously declaring their decision to ban the unbelievably offensive neck warmer, as unanimous and not even requiring a discussion, Sepp Blatter fatuously announced “a snood is not part of the equipment, it can be dangerous even like hanging somebody”. Incredible, as I was only thinking recently, it’s only a matter of time before Carlos Tevez, on a freezing cold day in Manchester, inadvertently snags his snood on the goalposts at Eastlands and is tragically killed.

Still, some people will be delighted by the FIFA’s decision – Alex Ferguson for one, who said of the snood, “they are for powder puffs”. This from a man who obviously has no problem with some of his prized assets (Rooney, Berbatov etc.) reaching for the reassuring comfort of their thermal gloves whenever the sun disappears behind the clouds.

Citizens of the World, your game is safe once more, FIFA has listened and passed judgement. The next time you hear about black players being racially abused you can be assured, it won’t be because they were wearing a snood.