Sweeping changes at BBC

Silenced

Give some people enough rope and eventually they will hang themselves. Even for this gobshite tramp it must be a sobering thought - the real prospect of having your arse sued. Closing down her Twitter account down is merely damage limitation. When McAlpines' lawyers et al have finished with her you'd hope the damage is permanent.

In your dreams fatty . . . in your dreams

I didn't vote for a Police & Crime Commissioner in my part of the world for the simple reason I had no choice other than Con, Lab, Lib Dem. Quite frankly I wouldn't trust any politician to run a fucking bath these days never mind the finances and strategic objectives of a police force.

Thankfully enough residents of Humberside turned out and stopped this dickhead in his tracks - and that has put a very large smile on my face.  

MacShame

Denis MacShane as of today ex MP for Rotherham submitted 19 false invoices from a dodgy Euro Policy Institute outfit which he controlled - in order to trouser £12,900. That has got to be obtaining money by deception in anyones book. Still - one less thief in the Commons will do for the time being while the Mets finest criminal investigators take a closer look at the Theft Act 1968. 

Bon Voyage

Lion on the loose in Essex

Compulsory school sport ?

Own the podium - Yeeee haaaaa - let's see how long this policy lasts

Hear, Hear, Hear

I like this fella, I like him a lot. What is there not to admire about his stupendous achievments in the saddle ? There is equally as much to respect and approve of what he has to say whenever a microphone is shoved towards him

During the Tour de France when he and several other competitors fell victim to some idiot throwing tacks onto the road, Wiggins said of those responsible should they ever be caught " Maybe they should be sent to a football match or something"

During the same event when some had the audacity to suggest via social media that Wiggins domination of the race was down to drugs he said:

'I say they're just f****** w******. I cannot be doing with people like that.

'It justifies their own bone-idleness because they can't ever imagine applying themselves to do anything in their lives.

'It's easy for them to sit under a pseudonym on Twitter and write that sort of s***, rather than get off their a**** in their own lives and apply themselves and work hard at something and achieve something.

'And that's ultimately it. C****.'

And finally after winning his latest gold Medal, this absolute gem which should be rammed down the throats of Cameron, Clegg, Milliband to name a few:

"I train hard, I work hard at what I do . . . . I'm not a celebrity, I will never be a celebrity, I don't consider myself a celebrity, I despise that whole celebrity culture, I think this country has become so fascinated with people that have become famous for not achieving anything in their lives"


Couldn't agree more

Team DB

I'll guarantee Stuart Pearce has been called a lot worse than an 'idiot' during his career in professional football. Being insulted by Paul McCartney for not selecting Beckham for the Team GB squad will probably rank among one of the more surreal moments of these games.

I've never quite got the whole Beckham 'the most iconic footballer in the world' thing but it's easy to see why the likes of Macca fall for it at every level - how much of the 'magic' will rub off on me ?

Maccas' doing a gig at the opening ceremony - it's what celebrities do but feel free after you've watched it to tell him if you thought it was a pile of old shit.

Stick to the music and hair dip son - leave the football to those who know a bit about it.

Terry Not Guilty . . . . my arse !

As you were, same old bollocks resumes on August 18th  . . . . enjoy!

Pay peanuts . . . . . . . . .

Not being caught looting your local JD Sports last August finally pays dividends 

Fraud

Lockerbie bomber dies . . . . . . . . finally

Kenny MacAskill will lead Members of the Scottish Executive in a minutes silence before the days business on Monday

London calling

Whose doping who ?

British Olympic Association - time to stand up and be counted. Dwain Chambers may have won his latest legal argument and possibly still be one the fastest sprinters in the country but that surely does not automatically qualify a drugs cheat to represent GB - does it ?

We don't do politics or religion

Ecclestone says they will all be back in Bahrain again next year - sadly not everyone

National Security

There's always a first time for everything

In May 1907 Captain Edward John Smith having steered the fastest of the White Star Line fleet, RMS Adriatic, across the Atlantic on her maiden voyage, was moved to say;

"When anyone asks me how I can best describe my experience in nearly forty years at sea, I merely say, uneventful. Of course there have been Winter gales, and storms and fog and the like. But in all my experience, I have never been in an accident . . . or any sort worth speaking about. I have seen but one vessel in distress in all my years at sea. I never saw a wreck and have never been wrecked nor was I ever in any predicament that threatened to end in disaster of any sort."

Five years later Captain Smith took command of the Titanic. 

Pyongyang we have a problem . . . . . .

Never forgotten

                                         

The Artful Dodger

Thankfully it looks like Londoners are in no mood to give Red Ken a second bash at Mayor as he slips further behind Boris in the polls for this years election. 

One of the main reasons they kicked Livingstone into the long grass at the last election is that quite simply the majority of decent hard working people in the capital finally woke up after eight years and realised they were being shafted while Livingstone pandered to a minority of corrupt, left wing, communist loving bullshitters. 

Since being booted out of office it transpires Livingstones' political conscience has wandered somewhat. Normally someone who would despise the wealthy finding ways to avoid paying taxes, the former Mayor himself has been routinely avoiding paying the full 40% tax on his fees for media appearances and public speaking. He reassures voters if he is re elected this time then this rather convenient arrangement would no longer be necessary.  

Now there's a vote winner

Spirit of Hypocrisy

The current Labour Leaders media machine would not appear to have learned any lessons from the catastrophic days of the Brown regime. 

Cancelling Ed's NHS gig on the grounds of feeling ill then turning up full of beans at a Hull City football match - in the Chairmans Rolls Royce ! Priceless.

Funny old game

Priceless

NHS gender re-assignment techniques had advanced significantly these days - so it seems. When an 18 yr old 6ft 13st transsexual manages to convince staff at HSBC in Sleaford, Lincolnshire that she is in fact the 5ft 5" 8st pneumatically enhanced model Katie Price - well you just have to applaud the wonders of modern surgical procedures. 

Seemingly a wig and a pair of sunglasses were all it needed to complete the look and enable Kevin Kerry Marshall to fraudulently withdraw £2500 from Price's bank account.

Captain Chaos

Fair to say the case for the defence has not got off to a good start - roll on July

Well worth the wait

Harry's game

Harry Redknapp reveals his selection for tonights game 

Virgin High

Just why might a multi millionaire tycoon be full square behind the decriminalisation of soft drugs ?

Women & children first

Triple A

Priceless Jewell

Seems a New Year has a habit of unearthing football Neanderthals. Last January it was Andy Gray and Richard Keys unceremoniously being shown to the exit by Sky Sports having been ruthlessly exposed as serial sexists. With any luck the same fate will be visiting this years candidate for most retarded chauvinist - Paul Jewell the Ipswich Town manager.

Last night his team lost a game which was all the fault of a referees assistant who happened to be a woman. She failed to alert the referee to a nailed on Ipswich penalty according to Jewell. 

When a journalist at a post match press conference said to Jewell, "I think everyone to a man thought that was a penalty", Jewell replied "Unfortunately to every man but not to a woman"

Jewell obviously doesn't do apologies not even the insincere crap normally crafted by a solicitor.

Instead he came out with this, "I didn’t suggest in any way that the official made a mistake because she was a woman. I don’t think what I said was sexist and will argue all day long with anyone that says it is"


Judge for yourself 

One for sorrow, two for joy

Over to the land of fairy tales and North Korean State news agency KCNA have announced that on the very day their Great Leader Kim Jong Il passed way, "out of nowhere a flock of magpies suddenly appeared hovering over a statue of his late father, Kim Il Sung, clattering as if they were telling him of the sad news"

The same news agency also reported last week that a family of bears believed to be mother and cubs, normally hibernating at this time of the year like all good bears should be, had in fact been seen crying woefully by a roadside mourning the Great Leaders' passing.

Klu Klux Kop

It is seriously depressing to think that the Anfield Kop is now infested by pond life who think it’s OK to scream “you f*****g black b*****d” at a player from the other side.

That was grotesque in itself but for it then to be cynically endorsed by hundreds of others chanting the name of Luiz Suarez, a Liverpool player found guilty this week of racially abusing a black player - is simply beyond belief.

A tacit acknowledgement of guilt followed by an equally undemonstrative apology earlier this week had to be virtually extracted from both Luis Suarez and Liverpool FC - and then this !

What the hell is happening at this club ?

"Yes Ms Abbott that's the exit"

This story has got legs, mileage, it will run and run. Well it would if Diane Abbott was a Conservative MP . . . . . . and white. As she is finding out rather painfully you hope is that casual racism is something that trips off the tongue with ease or in her case – off her finger tips. You may not realise what you are saying/typing but you most certainly mean it.

In 97 well thought out characters Diane Abbott tweeted on Wednesday;

White people love playing “divide & rule” We should not play their game #tacticasoldascolonialism

The following day sensing an impending shit storm which duly arrived in the form of a public bollocking/humiliation from her boss live on SKY – she tried to convince everyone outside Hackney, the Labour Party, BBC, Ch 4 etc, that her words were taken out of context. They always are.

What she claims she meant to include in her tweet was that she was referring to the nature of 19th century European colonialism but claimed it was not possible in the maximum allowed 140 characters. Seriously ! (Note: First black female MP can't count)

I’m no Twitter expert but this white former colonialist seems to have managed it even with a character to spare, see . . . . . . .

White people love playing “divide & rule” as per 19th century European colonialism We should not play their game #tacticasoldascolonialism

Still doesn’t alter anything because its just as racist even with the additional ‘get me out of jail’ characters - what she is still saying is that us whites are no better now than we were in the 1800s. #reverseracismsackabbott

2012 cock ups - the first of many

Organisers admit they have managed to sell more tickets to the Olympic synchronised swimming events than there are actual seats in the aquatic centre. Condolences fellas if you're one of the unlucky ones about to be offered the womens 10m air pistol by way of an alternative - but look on the bright side, imagine if it had been a ticket foul up for the beach volleyball now that would have been a total catastrophe but synchronised swimming - what is there to miss ?

Kim Jung-Grub