Mad & Bad

Gaddafi’s recent deranged rambling speech described the insurgents behind the current uprisings as cockroaches and urged citizens of Libya to ‘take the greasy rats out of the streets’.

Ironically, in 2009 the Libyan Ministry for Public Utilities actually awarded a £3m contract to Rentokil to tackle chronic rat infestations in the country's major cities that had left the population prey to a range of pest transmitted diseases.

Presumably Gaddafi eventually realised after Rentokil had invested quite a lot of time and money on the project, that his idea of rat destruction was somewhat less conventional than theirs – an easy mistake I’m sure you would agree bearing in mind the person they were dealing with.

In April 2010 Rentokil announced that it was still owed £5m by the Libyan leader for an outstanding rat extermination contract.

Another time . . . . . maybe ?

What a talent

Click here to see Prezzas second home claims

Bernard Manning would be proud

There really is no end, it seems, to the hidden talents of Richard Keys. Twenty or so years as SKY TV's football frontman would appear to have been wasted with the latest revelation suggesting a career on the comedy circuit alongside Bernard Manning and Jim Davidson would have been more his bag.

Not only crude sexism, but Keys appears to have dipped his foot into a bit of good old fashioned 1970's racist humour. He must have really hacked somone off at SKY as yet another tape has emerged, this one 11 years old, of Keys suggesting that a black footballer plying his trade in Scotland might be known as 'Choco Jocko'.

Presumably the hierarchy at TALKSPORT radio must have been sticking to the principle of 'there's no such thing as bad publicity' when they hired Keys and Andy Gray following their unceremonious and humiliating departure from SKY. 

Who's next . . Mother in-law, the Irish ?  . . . . . . I'm 'ere all week ! 

The pair make their debut on 14th February 10-1pm, don't miss it . . . I will

Sally . . Sally . . . . . pride of our alley

When in a former life, you have coughed, in print and no doubt for a fee, to a rather cheap and alcohol inspired promiscuous past, being married to the Speaker should require, not unreasonably, that one might keep one’s head down, if you will excuse the expression.  

Not so the repugnant Mrs Bercow who it appears is on a mission to demean, cheapen, degrade, discredit, disgrace and dishonour the position of the chief officer and highest authority of the House of Commons - the man who represents our elected members to the Monarch, no less.

Mind you her husband, the vertically challenged and equally inept John Bercow, MP for Buckingham, current Speaker of the House, is doing his level best to bring the privileged position into disrepute himself on a fairly regular basis these days.  The wife’s latest publicity seeking venture is an interview and photo shoot for the London Evening Standard. Posing in nothing more than a bed sheet in front of a phoney backdrop of Parliament and wearing a pathetically suggestive look on her face, she goes on to describe how, since hubby’s  ‘election’ as Speaker in 2009, both he and her have been hit on more regularly by the opposite sex. We’ll have to take her word for that but if true then my guess is that with her chequered past, the Speaker is keeping a close eye on her indoors.

The most excruciating line in the interview “I never realised how sexy I would find it living under Big Ben with the bells chiming”

Oh matron ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Baaaaaaaaarrrrf !

Foghorn Sally, having taken the Standards loot, now claims on Twitter (where else?) that she “has been done up like a kipper”.

I prefer trout.